A Farewell to Arms

I hadn’t been able to save my best friend. Maybe I could atone over there. Maybe I would get lucky and not come back. I told myself there were other reasons for joining.

But then death brushed past several times. What started as a courtesy warning became increasingly terrifying for the simple fact that these would be meaningless moments to simply stop being.

Some of us didn’t make it through these moments.

I didn’t get to say farewell. again.

Years of pain will fade into a more comfortable memory. Friendships forged start to dissipate into a social ether. The worst experiences bond a few of us together for longer. We shared a commitment to protecting others.

Asking the body to fully pursue that purpose had consequences a broken back, torn ligaments, early arthritis, disturbed memories, worn shoulders, damaged knees, misaligned neck, permanent tinnitus, just beyond a casual sense of permanent pain, ptsd, wah, etc.

yet I miss many things my Marines, the comradery, the shared knowledge, the accountability and seriousness, the moments of relief, the tactics, flying freely in the clouds, the ability to help, the purpose of protecting

but I do not miss everything the red tape, the bureaucracy, the legalism, the nepotism, the whining, the incessant deadlines, the transience, the focus on death, the deaths, the death.

Starting over outside of the frame built around that purpose is uncomfortable.

I have no right to ask, but I beg you to help give meaning to these deaths by designing a more fair & peaceful world.