Farewell to my home

Farewell to my home. I could never come back. You do not exist anymore, only in my dreams. Our routes parted far before it came to my realization. You knew long before that I won’t be the same after my departure.

I am longing for the feeling of your gentle Northern sun secretly peeking through power lines into my room in the morning. I am cold and tired under the bedsheets, but am softly guided into the routine of the day. I walk down the boulevard, passing by all the sleepy indifferent strangers who all feel familiar along the way. Streets are spilling out shiny yellow and chilly breeze that gets into your bones. This is the moment when the city lures you into a sweet melancholy ride, which is definitive to the feeling of home. We are all sharing a love and hate for this gorgeous city, whose sole intention was to never make us fully happy.

All along we foresaw the tragedy and knew that someday home would betray us by taking away innocent lives, including ours. You did as promised, and we have chosen to be blindsided. The distance between us has never been this vast. I inevitably stray around longing to feel that Northern sun one more time.

Now home is only part of blurry memories, photographs and imagination. Time has completely swallowed what had been a remedy for me in this city. Both of us have changed so much that once we reconcile, we might not recognize each other. I know that when I come back one day, I will desperately hope to reunite with a longtime friend, who in reality has been long gone.

Farewell to my home, farewell to myself.