Recent Exploits of Flon Mask

Condemned To Be Digital

Volume 3, Issue 10
January 17, 2018

Invented a space flight company that provides affordable rides to the moon and back for families. Descended from the cyclorama, SpaceY consists of a capsule in front of a screen with looped imagery of outer space cranked by hand by recent Stanford computer science graduates.

Actually built a real rocket with SpaceY but decided not to go to Mars. When asked to explain the decision, Mask replied, “I don’t really see the point.”

Decided to send the rocket to the center of the earth instead; it melted about 5 miles in.

Invented a new type of roof shingle that looks like solar panels, so you can proclaim that you’re doing your part without actually having to spend all that money.

Invented a “driverless” car called the Ohm in which the windows have decals with a picture of the interior to make it look like nobody’s driving.

Mask also tested an Ohm model nicknamed “seat suit” in which the driver would actually be camouflaged inside a driver’s seat complete with armholes and a hole for the face.

Invented a hyperloop model where instead of transporting humans, it transported liquids. Mask named it “oil pipeline.”

Mask is heavily inspired by the works of Isaac Asimov, as can be seen in the subtle, poetic language of his tweets.

Decided to bore a tunnel from San Francisco to the White House.

Developed a way to connect the human brain to computers. The setup consisted of two wires and a pickle; it managed to turn on a light bulb for 2 minutes and 24 seconds.

Invented a clone of PayPal where a fee on each transaction goes toward swaying elections and suing media companies out of existence.

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Volume 3, Issue 10
January 17, 2018

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